Author Archives: Neil

Wallflower

The solitary one in the midst of the commotion
The silence in surrounded by a world of speech
The unseen actions in the background that go unnoticed
The person who is out of reach
The stranger in the midst of the fellowship
The outcast bearing marks we may or may not see
The one who pulls themselves away
Hiding behind screens that block out searching eyes
The people that become the background
The wallflowers that we never see
More than the fear of death itself
The fear that meaningless we might be

Neil White, 2013

Drawn Back In

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

A reminder of the past
A picture, a day, a memory
And I’m drawn back in
Into the past that is gone
Remembering not what I have
But what I’ve lost
And for a time I’m stuck
Until I’m able to forget again
And move on with my life
Maybe the day will come
When the gravitational pull of the past
No longer holds me so
Yet, for now I am drawn back in

Neil White, 2013

The Exceptional Child

The Sacrifice of Isaac by Rembrandt (1635)

The Sacrifice of Isaac by Rembrandt (1635)

Set apart and lifted up
Placed upon a pedestal
An example for the world to see
Expected to excel in every endeavor
The beloved one, the exceptional child
Living out the dreams of so many others
And weeping when no one else sees
For being the sacrifice made for other’s failures
The substitution for their own failures
Expiation for their sins real and imagined
Caught in a life that was thrust upon him
And perhaps if he completes the journey to Moriah
Carrying the wood for his own pyre
There might be a sacrificial lamb caught in the bushes
Able to take his place
So that he might know laugher

Neil White, 2013

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

Return to Naïveté

The Garden of Eden by Thomas Cole (1828)

The Garden of Eden by Thomas Cole (1828)

Sometimes I wish I could go back
To the times before Pandora opened her box
Or before I tasted the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil
To the points where I knew nothing and trusted everything
Before trust had been betrayed and my heart shattered
My mind filled with knowledge that only led to more questions
And every new perspective added another layer of complexity to the world
To the fields of innocence where love flowed easily
Yet, there is no path to the childish idealism
nor a way to erase the scars on my heart and soul
Perhaps the land of naiveté was only an illusive memory
Some utopia of the memory that never really existed at all
Or an innocence that was never mine to possess
When faith was simple and didn’t involve seeing the brokenness
But no amount of knocking at the gates of the land of naiveté
No bleeding knuckles or cries begging for admission allow admittance
As I dwell east of Eden with all its questions

Neil White, 2013

 

This poem was inspired by a line from Field of Innocence by Evanescence
purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

Wrestling with God

Photo of Lutte's de Jacob avec l'Ange by Gloumouth1 http:/gloumouth1.free.fr

Photo of Lutte’s de Jacob avec l’Ange by Gloumouth1 http:/gloumouth1.free.fr

The world is broken, all around, as far as I can see
I see the hurt, the wounds, the scars, the hungry mouths to feed
And so I stand or bend the knee and seek and knock in prayer
Yet sometimes it seems like all my words just vanish into air
Sometime I feel as if I’m knocking on a door till my knuckles bleed
Yet, there never comes an answer, as far as I can see

I come to points where trust begins to faint and anger comes to life
Searching for the strength and faith to carry on the fight
Yet, then alone caught in my pride a stranger comes to me
To wrestle for a night ‘til dawn seems like eternity
While in the struggle we find each other caught within the plight
Of someone else entering in to come and share the strife

Yet, while I wanted answers that came with simple prayers
I found a God who met me in the midst of the struggle to live
To learn to find forgiveness, peace and identity
The one who came to wrestle, bless and then rename thee
For into both the mortal and the divine struggles I dive
And find the God who in the struggle comes and meets me there

This is more of a chiastic form where there is a a b c c’ b’ a’ rhyming pattern. Another experiment in form as I try some things throughout this month in the range of poetry.

Neil White, 2013

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

Jeremiah 13: Weeping for Those Who Don’t Hear

loincloth

Jeremiah 13: 1-11: The Ruined Loincloth

 Thus said the LORD to me, “Go and buy yourself a linen loincloth, and put it on your loins, but do not dip it in water.” 2 So I bought a loincloth according to the word of the LORD, and put it on my loins. 3 And the word of the LORD came to me a second time, saying, 4 “Take the loincloth that you bought and are wearing, and go now to the Euphrates, and hide it there in a cleft of the rock.” 5 So I went, and hid it by the Euphrates, as the LORD commanded me. 6 And after many days the LORD said to me, “Go now to the Euphrates, and take from there the loincloth that I commanded you to hide there.” 7 Then I went to the Euphrates, and dug, and I took the loincloth from the place where I had hidden it. But now the loincloth was ruined; it was good for nothing.

 8 Then the word of the LORD came to me: 9 Thus says the LORD: Just so I will ruin the pride of Judah and the great pride of Jerusalem. 10 This evil people, who refuse to hear my words, who stubbornly follow their own will and have gone after other gods to serve them and worship them, shall be like this loincloth, which is good for nothing. 11 For as the loincloth clings to one’s loins, so I made the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah cling to me, says the LORD, in order that they might be for me a people, a name, a praise, and a glory. But they would not listen.

Throughout Jeremiah’s ministry words have failed to convince his listeners to turn from their path, and now God instructs Jeremiah to turn to a symbolic action. Whether Jeremiah actually makes the long journey to the Euphrates river multiple times or whether this is a dream sequence or whether he buries it at another river near his hometown (the Nehal Perat) is something that scholars will debate back and forth, but the symbolic nature of the Euphrates is powerful since it is where the people will cross as they go into exile. At issue within the symbolic representation of the loincloth is the people’s losing the meaning of their being set aside by God for a purpose.

Election, although freighted with all types of baggage with the way it has been used by religious groups, within both Jewish and Christian terms is not for the sake of the elect. The elect are there to be a blessing to the world around them, but too often they become fixated on their own status and they cling to that rather than clinging to the identity they were given by the one who set them apart. Israel was to cling to God and move in the ways God moved as a piece of clothing but to use Jesus’ words they have become like salt that has lost its saltiness and like the loincloth they have failed to be good for anything at this point. Perhaps it is only in this time where they are separated from God and feel that they are ruined that there can be the possibility of being made new and hearing and seeing once again who God is calling them to be.

 Jeremiah 13: 12-14: Filled with Drunkenness

 12 You shall speak to them this word: Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel: Every wine-jar should be filled with wine. And they will say to you, “Do you think we do not know that every wine-jar should be filled with wine?” 13 Then you shall say to them: Thus says the LORD: I am about to fill all the inhabitants of this land– the kings who sit on David’s throne, the priests, the prophets, and all the inhabitants of Jerusalem– with drunkenness. 14 And I will dash them one against another, parents and children together, says the LORD. I will not pity or spare or have compassion when I destroy them.

 Using the image of drunkenness indicates a state where decisions are impaired, where bad choices are frequently made and previous inhibitions may be cast aside. In the context of Jeremiah, the people have turned from God for a long time, they have chased other gods, other goods, trusting in their Davidic king, the temple and the city of Jerusalem to keep them safe. The very people who should be leading the people back to God: the priests, the prophets (other than Jeremiah and perhaps a few others) and the king on David’s throne have instead led them towards a path of destruction. The people are on a path to conflict with Babylon and yet they cannot see it yet, but the prophet sees. The people’s judgment and reactions are impaired unable to see the coming collision with the immovable object and God will not rescue them this time. Perhaps God is the immovable object, perhaps God is merely allowing the consequences of their previous bad choices to come to fruition like a person who after trying to prevent a person who is drunk from taking the wheel and sees them start the vehicle anyways. Regardless, God is no longer there offering a shield of protection to keep the people from hitting the bottom. God has begun to seem to the people no longer as their guardian but their oppressor and until they reach rock bottom they probably won’t be able to see God in a different light.

 Orthodox Icon of the Prophet Jeremiah

Orthodox Icon of the Prophet JeremiahJeremiah 13:15-17: A Prophet’s Plea

 15 Hear and give ear; do not be haughty, for the LORD has spoken.
 16 Give glory to the LORD your God before he brings darkness,
and before your feet stumble on the mountains at twilight;
 while you look for light, he turns it into gloom and makes it deep darkness.
 17 But if you will not listen, my soul will weep in secret for your pride;
my eyes will weep bitterly and run down with tears,
because the LORD’s flock has been taken captive.
 

At the center of Israel’s life is the calling to hear (shema) which goes back to Deuteronomy 6:4

Hear, O Israel: The LORD is our God, the LORD alone

And again in this plea the people are called to hear and give hear, to look, to listen and in language characteristic of Deuteronomy’s blessings and curses there is the other side of “if you will not listen” but instead of seeing the consequences for the people we see the consequences for the prophet. The prophet makes his plea as one who is brokenhearted reaching out yet again to the people who have failed to listen to him throughout his ministry and yet his soul still weeps for them and his eyes run down with tears because they will bear the effects of their inability to (or choosing not to) hear.
 
Jeremiah 13: 18-27 Corrupted Identity

18 Say to the king and the queen mother;
“Take a lowly seat, for your beautiful crown has come down from your head.”
 19 The towns of the Negeb are shut up with no one to open them;
all Judah is taken into exile, wholly taken into exile.
 20 Lift up your eyes and see those who come from the north.
Where is the flock that was given you, your beautiful flock?
 21 What will you say when they set as head over you those whom you have trained to be your allies?
Will not pangs take hold of you, like those of a woman in labor?
 22 And if you say in your heart, “Why have these things come upon me?”
it is for the greatness of your iniquity that your skirts are lifted up, and you are violated.
 23 Can Ethiopians change their skin or leopards their spots?
Then also you can do good who are accustomed to do evil.
 24 I will scatter you like chaff driven by the wind from the desert.
 25 This is your lot, the portion I have measured out to you, says the LORD,
 because you have forgotten me and trusted in lies.
 26 I myself will lift up your skirts over your face, and your shame will be seen.
 27 I have seen your abominations, your adulteries and neighings,
 your shameless prostitutions on the hills of the countryside.
Woe to you, O Jerusalem! How long will it be before you are made clean?

Everything is going to change and nothing is going to change. Everything external will change among the people, the king and queen mother will lose their places, places that were once open in hospitality will be closed by conflict, the honored will become dishonored and the powerful will find themselves powerless. But the prophet or God also has little hope or belief that anything will change, that the people’s identity has been corrupted  and they are less likely to change their ways than a person is able to change the color of their skin or a leopard could have its spots removed. The desire is for the unclean to be made clean, but the 13th chapter ends in woe not knowing what it will take for the people to have a new heart placed within them and a new sense of identity as the people of God to live out of. They will need eyes to see and ears to hear, but for now the prophet sees them content in their deafness and blindness, unaware of their shame and their brokenness.

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

Images for the 23rd Sunday after Pentecost/ Lectionary 29

Luke 18: 1-8, the Parable of the Unjust Judge, and Genesis 32: 22-31, Jacob wrestles and is renamed Israel

There are not a lot of images for the Parable of the Unjust Judge, but here is one:

John Everett Millais, Parable of the Unjust Judge (1863)

John Everett Millais, Parable of the Unjust Judge (1863)

For the reading from Genesis there are some good classic images, and I also am planning to use more of Joseph’s story so I included a couple images not specifically from this scene:

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn, Jacob Wrestling with the Angel (1659)

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn, Jacob Wrestling with the Angel (1659)

Photo of Lutte's de Jacob avec l'Ange by Gloumouth1 http:/gloumouth1.free.fr

Photo of Lutte’s de Jacob avec l’Ange by Gloumouth1 http:/gloumouth1.free.fr

Woodcut from Gutenberg Bibel, 1558

Woodcut from Gutenberg Bibel, 1558

William Blake, Jacob's Dream (1805)

William Blake, Jacob’s Dream (1805)

I just really like this one by Blake and as I mentioned above I am telling more of Jacob’s story

Pierre Paul Rubens, The Reconciliation of Jacob and esau, as in Genesis 33 (1624)

Pierre Paul Rubens, The Reconciliation of Jacob and esau, as in Genesis 33 (1624)

 

 

 

 

 

Two Short Poems

Mourning

The Pasts Which Might Have Been
Sometimes I catch myself in my ruminations
Seeking a better past, overlooking the flaws
Longing for things lost, forgetting why they were left behind
Imagining the could’ve beens, the should’ve beens, the would’ve beens
With the if onlys and the perhaps maybes
Idealized versions of a reality that no longer exists
Except in the rearview mirror of the memory
Yet even there they remain not as there were
But as some potential of a past possibility

Mirror

Worn Thin

Stretched and pushed by a taskmaster
Who mercilessly demands an ever higher tribute
Constantly pushing for perfection in every aspect
Never flagging in his criticism, never satisfied with enough
Wearing me thin with continual pressure to achieve
Yet, the taskmaster and the one worn thin
Are but reflections in the mirror.

Neil White, 2013

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

Obfuscation

The Modern Leper by addsuns@deviantart.com

The Modern Leper by addsuns@deviantart.com

Polysyllabic platitudes of pensive prose performed per proper phraseology parameters
Quickly and quiescently quaffing quaint quietude
Rearranging relativity and rolling r’s to reflect refinement
Subtly stringing synonymous sentences in sequences surely
Trumping truth to triumphantly transcend transcendentalism
Understanding the ubiquity of uselessness
Veritably vegetating in varieties of vagabond
Wordsmithing willingly whining without wrangling
Xerotically extracting xenomorphic and xenogametic xerocopies
Yearning yonderly yede yon to
Zen

Neil White, 2013

If you haven’t figured it out the poem basically says nothing, but it was a fun exercise in both form and vocabulary and I appreciate the number of sights out there dedicated to scrabble words and words starting with unusual letters. Enjoy my exercise in obfuscatory alliteration.

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

Images for the 22nd Sunday After Pentecost/Lectionary 28

This is the story of the healing of Naaman by Elisha (2 Kings5: 1-15) and the healing of ten lepers by Jesus in Luke 17: 11-19. There are some good images for the ideas in these passages:

Elisha Refuses the Gift of Naaman, Pieter de Grebber (1652-53)

Elisha Refuses the Gift of Naaman, Pieter de Grebber (1652-53)

Of Naaman and Leprosy by Elisabethhijanen@deviantart.com

Of Naaman and Leprosy by Elisabethhijanen@deviantart.com

Naaman by Creely at deviantart.com

Naaman by Creely at deviantart.com

The Healing of Ten Leperes by James Tissot (between 1886 and 1894)

The Healing of Ten Lepers by James Tissot (between 1886 and 1894)

The Healing of the Ten Lepers by Jesus Christ by Louis Surugue (1686-1762)

The Healing of the Ten Lepers by Jesus Christ by Louis Surugue (1686-1762)

24 year old man from Norway with leprosy

24 year old man from Norway with leprosy

Noting that the condition translated leprosy in the bible is probably not the modern disease leprosy

An American AIDS patient

An American AIDS patient

The Modern Leper by addsuns@deviantart.com

The Modern Leper by addsuns@deviantart.com