I am amazed that fourteen years and one thousand eighty posts later I am still going on this incredible journey with Sign of the Rose. I never imagined that I would have written on 447 of the 1,189 chapters in the Protestant canon of the Bible, or just over 40% of the chapters of the Bible (45.425% of the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible and 21.15% of the New Testament). Yes, I’m a geek and I keep a running excel spreadsheet that tracks this type of progress. When I initially started on the very short book of Haggai and then moved to the slightly longer story of Esther it was merely following my curiosity for parts of scripture I had rarely utilized. When I completed one of the longest books of the bible, Jeremiah, in 2014 I realized it would be good to have something less intense between projects and I decided to start a pattern of ten psalms[1] between books. Now with 140 of the 150 psalms written on I am nearing the end of this pattern. I am also trying to catch up a little on the New Testament since much of my writing has been on the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible, but I am a far better at working with Greek than Hebrew and the New Testament was, and in many ways remains, my first love. Looking ahead on the writing on the scriptures I will be looking at a collection of letters commonly called the Pastoral Letters (1 & 2 Timothy and Titus), finishing Psalms, and then starting Proverbs. 1 Timothy will come first, followed by Psalms 141-150, 2 Timothy, Proverbs 1-10, Titus, Proverbs 11-20, and then something else before finishing Proverbs. More about the Pastoral Letters and 1 Timothy coming soon, but this is an overall roadmap to this portion of my writing.
Another area I’ve been doing some reading and reflecting on what a healthy way of thinking about masculinity might be. On the one hand this is a personal project, something I’ve been thinking about for my two kids. I have two adult children, Aren and Connor (aka Jey) who are both in their twenties. Aren is high-functioning autistic young man and Connor is non-gender binary but presents primarily as masculine. I’ve had conversations with them around the cultural expectations of masculinity and the challenges and opportunities that have come with the rapid cultural changes which have fundamentally changed many aspects of life in the slightly over half a century I’ve been alive. On the other hand, this is an area where there is a growing awareness that young men are falling behind young women in many areas (for example education, the workforce, and relationships) for a variety of reasons. I have no illusions that I have the solutions or the influence to help young men as a group find purpose, meaning, success, happiness and fulfillment but as a father, reader, thinker, and pastor I am trying to bring together what I’ve learned both from modern and ancient thinkers both as advice for my kids, the young men I encounter in my congregation and community, and anyone who chooses to read. The other reality is, like most of my writing, I’m trying to understand what I have learned through experience, reading, and reflection. I’ve utilized this imagery before, but in many ways this site is like my personal ‘pensieve’ from the imagery of the Harry Potter books, a place where memories and learning can be collected and later looked back upon.
One of the things my congregation has heard me say on a couple occasions, only somewhat jokingly, is, “that is the next book I need to write.” The reality is that for the last couple of years I’ve been carrying inside of me at least four projects that I someday want to develop. I am still probably caught in an old paradigm of thinking in terms of books based on the way people consume media today, but I still find the book, the way that has brought together knowledge and stories for millenia, a helpful long form of reflection that requires a lot of sustained thought and effort to both read and especially to create. Two of the ‘books’ I want to spend some time developing have their origins in the writing I’ve done here. “Little Faith Ones” emerges out of my reflections on Matthew’s gospel. Even though within this space there is over three hundred pages of writing on Matthew’s gospel, there are some key ideas of the reading that I’d like to pull together into a more concise format. The other one, “The Brokenhearted God” emerged initially out of my reflections on Jeremiah, but the insight has carried throughout the rest of my reflections. What many readers have heard as anger in the Hebrew Bible/Old Testament I believe is the language of a wounded and broken heart. That is why one of the frequently utilized metaphors for the relationship between God and God’s people is that of a broken marriage. God is often portrayed as wanting the relationship back where it was prior to the betrayal, grieving, pained and angry at the loss and betrayal. I recognized several of these emotions because I experienced them going through a divorce three years prior to beginning the reflections on Jeremiah. The bible portrays God with a range of emotions that would be stunning to many Christians who grew up with the image of a stoic or unengaged God. Two are fictional projects: one science fiction, one fantasy which I have characters and a general idea of the plot for. The science fiction project’s working title is “Fire from the Heavens” and is a first contact story where an alien makes first contact with humanity in an attempt to bring humanity as an ally into an ongoing struggle and jumpstarts humanity’s movement into space. The fantasy project is dark; it is the story of a gifted young female sorcerer who is determined to gain the attention of a young man she becomes obsessed with. Desire and rejection lead her down a path of dark magic where to gain the attraction of her desired one she adopts attributes of the women he is interested in, but the magic has a dark price and taking these attributes causes the death of both these other women and a part of herself. As I mentioned, it is dark with probably as many horror elements as fantasy. Not sure if any of these will be developed in the near future or ever, but they continue to be present in my mind.
Ultimately for me writing is both a part of my vocation as a pastor and one my avocations (or hobbies) and somehow both pull on the time, creativity, and energy I have. I will turn fifty-four this month and I’ve reached a stage of my life where I am at greater peace than earlier. I’m trying to be intentional about doing the things that bring me joy: working outdoors, gardening (in the appropriate season), making time to travel a couple times a year, maintaining relationships, making and eating good food, exercise, music, and writing. I do try to create one or two posts a week, but I’m not overly concerned that I have four books sitting on my desk that I’d like to write a reflection on or that I maintain the chapter of the bible a week pace I once set as a goal. Writing is one of the many things that help bring meaning and purpose to my life and I am grateful for it. Yet, I am learning to allow the things that bring meaning and purpose to be life-giving rather than allowing my striving to turn them into one more expectation in the midst of my job, relationships, and commitments. I once heard a remark about the author Larry McMurtry that he was a writer in his natural state and if you leave him alone, he will write and the books will follow. I don’t claim to be a writer like the author of Lonesome Dove, but apparently when left alone tend to write otherwise this blog would not still be going over a thousand posts and fourteen years later. Thanks for reading. Neil
[1] There were times I would modify this number slightly if it made sense within the divisions of the five books that make up the psalter.
Sign of the Rose 