Drawn Back In

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

A reminder of the past
A picture, a day, a memory
And I’m drawn back in
Into the past that is gone
Remembering not what I have
But what I’ve lost
And for a time I’m stuck
Until I’m able to forget again
And move on with my life
Maybe the day will come
When the gravitational pull of the past
No longer holds me so
Yet, for now I am drawn back in

Neil White, 2013

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One Response to Drawn Back In

  1. Sallie Bundy says:

      I don’t want to impose on private feelings or emotions, however, it is hard for me to see or hear friends struggle. I know I can’t really say much you don’t already know, so below is a journal entry I wrote to myself a while back in my journey. I changed it a little as to take “me” out of it and make it more nuetral.  I thought it might speak to matters of your heart and hopefully encourage it. If not than delete it and don’t read it.   I understand the struggle in leaving a life lived, with another, behind. It is hard, very hard. Hope it ministers to you in some way.   Disappointment When things don’t turn out as hoped or planned, it’s hard letting go of the reality of what once was or that which was created in the imagination.  They both are very real. In the moments when the dreams begin to drift, the feelings begin to fade and the hope begins to wane, the temptation is to reel them back into the heart, instead of letting go of what will never be. The question that haunts is how? How to stop dreaming, hoping, how do you let go and live only in the present, in truth.  It is difficult to open up to new dreams being so comfortable with the old, the dead. A covenant of forever broken by lies and deceit lays in pieces all around. Those pieces being parts of a life shared with another no longer together. Memories and embraces once welcomed bring pain, regret and sorrow in there remembrance.  Ashes to ashes and dust to dust that’s where some dreams and hopes must lie. No more to fancy in the light of the imagination of the mind or the heart of the present.  In the shadows of never and death they must take their place.  It is here in death, by God’s amazing grace, that new life can begin. But it is a choice. It is hard to see new life when past memories, feelings and connections come crashing into the present. Only by the power of God is it possible to render the spirit stronger than the soul. It feels as though the hope that attached the dream to the heart lays vacant leaving emptiness and a void. Emptiness is not welcomed in this vulnerable state but that is where trust takes its place. The daily invitation to let God come and deal with the battle of the soul and mind finds its foundation in trust. Then in time, in the stillness, in the void, God’s love is there waiting, tenderly beckoning the heart to return to its first love.  The choice must be made to allow the wounds to heal. It is not for the faint of heart or the weak willed. It takes courage and faith such as Abraham to walk away from the familiar or what was thought to be promised.  In God’s strength hope can live on and enable one to someday see the possibilities and embrace a new dream, in a new day and in a new time.     

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