Author Archives: Neil

Drawn in the Current

Adrift by Locopelli at deviantart.com

Adrift by Locopelli at deviantart.com

So much of my life I have tried to set my own course
To sail to destinations of my own choosing, charting my path
Powering through the waves ignoring the push and the draw
But now I sit aimlessly enjoying the wind and the current
That draw me to places I never before imagined
And perhaps before it was all about the illusion of control
The continual application of power and steering
Trying to capture the wind and waves and use them for my purpose
Yet, perhaps the underlying rhythms of the deep knew all along
Where my ship was sailing and slowly but surely exerted its pull
To a new world beyond the edges of my dreams
 
Neil White, 2014

Soft Hearted

love me forever by syntheses on deviantart.com

love me forever by syntheses on deviantart.com

We enter into a world full of broken people and shattered stories

Am I my brother’s keeper? Who is my neighbor and who can I ignore?
Can’t I just send the crowds away with their insatiable appetite and needs?
Or ignore the foreigner on my doorstep who cries out for her daughter?
Who can I, in my mental and physical fatigue, exclude so I don’t see?
 Where can I go to escape the cries of creation that fill my ears?
In the highest heaven they ascend to God rending the creator’s heart
And they echo from the walls of the endless abyss creating a hell of brokenness
 
I don’t want to see, I don’t want to care, I want to block it out
To plug my ears, cover my eyes, harden my heart and distract my mind
To hear no evil, see no evil and to feel no compulsion to speak back to evil
To wall my broken heart away behind immense walls of cold stone
Some safe shelter where I can isolate myself from the needs of the world
To buy in to the promise of despair, that in giving up hope I can save myself
That the promises of the kingdom of God are not worth the birth pangs of creation
And that by pulling away and shutting out the world that the pain may simply cease
 
From a young child I was taught to hide the feelings, the emotions, the pain
That to be a man was to be like some distant unloving picture of a god
Who was unaffected and unattached to the world around him
Whose heart did not break, but rather this deistic god was unmoved
And to live a life in that stoic god’s image was not to feel, not to love
For in feeling there was fault and in love there was weakness
And to be weak was to fail and to fail was to be worthless
It was a god that seemed to demand nothing and to give nothing
But its sacrifice was the very marrow of life, it sucked dry the bones
Exchanging the risk of love for the a hollow security of disconnection
For in love there is joy and pain, in losing there is loss and gain
And I could never exchange the fleshy heart in my breast for a stone one
Yet, from a young child I was taught to hide the feelings, the emotions, the pain
 
As a man I began to realize the pain and cries of a loving God
Foolish enough to love the world, to cry for its hurts, to enter its rejection
A God of crazy dreams of new creation that emerges out of the brokenness
Where shattered shields and broken spears become the instruments of harvest time
Where even in the midst of death, life can emerge from an unending well of love
That the world in all its broken people and shattered stories can be taken in
That it can be loved, not because it is loveable but because that is what the softhearted do
And that perhaps, in a company of bumbling fools who dare to hope and dream
Who put aside the false promise of despair and have the courage to love God’s beloved
That perhaps in those moments where stones slowly removed change mountains
We see the hope that the creation has long been waiting for
The instruments of God’s work being those who can take up the sensitivity of a child
To see the world as it is and to dare to believe that it can be better
And that the discomfort I feel is not weakness, but the strength of a soft heart
A heart not content to be locked behind walls of stone separate from the world
But rather that sees the evil, hears the evil and dares to speak and name the evil
And perhaps to do my small part in the struggle, for the dream of a better world
A world of compassion and justice and joy and love, the world that could be
To dream and speak that world into being one small act of love at a time
A world where hearts of stone are replaced by soft fleshy hearts
That dare to love, the courage to hope and the audacity to dream
Of a time where tears are wiped away, where pains are healed
And we can enter into a world of healed people and mended lives
 
Neil White, 2014

Jeremiah 42 A Final Prayer And A Final Response

Cry Of Prophet Jeremiah on the Ruins of Jerusalem by Ilya Repin 1870

Cry Of Prophet Jeremiah on the Ruins of Jerusalem by Ilya Repin 1870

Then all the commanders of the forces, and Johanan son of Kareah and Azariah son of Hoshaiah, and all the people from the least to the greatest, approached 2 the prophet Jeremiah and said, “Be good enough to listen to our plea, and pray to the LORD your God for us– for all this remnant. For there are only a few of us left out of many, as your eyes can see. 3 Let the LORD your God show us where we should go and what we should do.” 4 The prophet Jeremiah said to them, “Very well: I am going to pray to the LORD your God as you request, and whatever the LORD answers you I will tell you; I will keep nothing back from you.” 5 They in their turn said to Jeremiah, “May the LORD be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act according to everything that the LORD your God sends us through you. 6 Whether it is good or bad, we will obey the voice of the LORD our God to whom we are sending you, in order that it may go well with us when we obey the voice of the LORD our God.”

            7 At the end of ten days the word of the LORD came to Jeremiah. 8 Then he summoned Johanan son of Kareah and all the commanders of the forces who were with him, and all the people from the least to the greatest, 9 and said to them, “Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, to whom you sent me to present your plea before him: 10 If you will only remain in this land, then I will build you up and not pull you down; I will plant you, and not pluck you up; for I am sorry for the disaster that I have brought upon you. 11 Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, as you have been; do not be afraid of him, says the LORD, for I am with you, to save you and to rescue you from his hand. 12 I will grant you mercy, and he will have mercy on you and restore you to your native soil.

13 But if you continue to say, ‘We will not stay in this land,’ thus disobeying the voice of the LORD your God 14 and saying, ‘No, we will go to the land of Egypt, where we shall not see war, or hear the sound of the trumpet, or be hungry for bread, and there we will stay,’ 15 then hear the word of the LORD, O remnant of Judah. Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: If you are determined to enter Egypt and go to settle there, 16 then the sword that you fear shall overtake you there, in the land of Egypt; and the famine that you dread shall follow close after you into Egypt; and there you shall die. 17 All the people who have determined to go to Egypt to settle there shall die by the sword, by famine, and by pestilence; they shall have no remnant or survivor from the disaster that I am bringing upon them.

18 “For thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: Just as my anger and my wrath were poured out on the inhabitants of Jerusalem, so my wrath will be poured out on you when you go to Egypt. You shall become an object of execration and horror, of cursing and ridicule. You shall see this place no more. 19 The LORD has said to you, O remnant of Judah, Do not go to Egypt. Be well aware that I have warned you today 20 that you have made a fatal mistake. For you yourselves sent me to the LORD your God, saying, ‘Pray for us to the LORD our God, and whatever the LORD our God says, tell us and we will do it.’ 21 So I have told you today, but you have not obeyed the voice of the LORD your God in anything that he sent me to tell you. 22 Be well aware, then, that you shall die by the sword, by famine, and by pestilence in the place where you desire to go and settle.”

 

Into the space and confusion following the assassination of Gedaliah, the governor appointed by Babylon to rule in Judea over the remnant, the interim leaders, Johanan and Azariah come with the people to Jeremiah asking for a word from the LORD. Based on previous times when kings and leaders have asked for a word from the LORD there is little expectation for the reader that it will be heard and obeyed, yet here in desperation the people come and finally they come to Jeremiah who they have ignored so many times before asking his prayer to God. It is very possible that Jeremiah is tired at this point and yet he consents and goes once again in prayer to the LORD. In contrast to Jeremiah’s reluctance (Very well: I am going to pray to the LORD your God as you request, and whatever the LORD answers you I will tell you, I will keep nothing back from you) and the peoples’ insistence (Whether it is good or bad, we will obey the voice of the LORD our God.) Yet, in the space and time of waiting the people probably don’t sit idle. Why does it take ten days to answer? We will never know the answer, but ultimately God doesn’t work on our time tables, but in that time when Jeremiah returns to give the answer it is clear he knows which way the peoples’ hearts are leaning.

The LORD’s answer presents two choices, one in obedience with an accompanied blessing and on in disobedience with an accompanying curse. Much as the end of Deuteronomy ends with blessings if the people keeps the commandments of the LORD and curses if they do not. If the people listens and stays within the land the LORD promises an end to their disaster. The LORD will build and not tear down, plant and not pluck up, that in the midst of the present threat of Babylon’s retaliation the LORD promises to protect them and to give them mercy. In the response we hear that the LORD is sorry for the pain that God’s people have endured and that this remnant finds themselves within and so if they will obey they will have the opportunity to begin anew. Yet, if they do not obey, if they seek security in Egypt then the very things they fear here in Judah will find them in Egypt. Sword, famine and pestilence will follow them, their name will become dishonored and an object of not only shame but horror. Jeremiah tries desperately to convince the people not to go to Egypt, and it is quite possible that he knows that is the journey the people are preparing for, and yet once again he tries to get the people to see something which seems to run counter to their own intuition.

In the face of the destruction of Jerusalem, the temple, and the taking on much of the people of Judah into exile this small remnant has seen ample reason to fear Babylon. It may be very difficult for the people to trust God at this point, and at points they seem to distance themselves from the LORD (your God) and at other points want to claim God (our God). Egypt being the other major power in the region from a military/political standpoint makes sense as a place to flee to when fleeing the Babylonian empire, but here they are asked to trust the LORD, something they have failed to do to this point, and to listen to the LORD’s prophet, something else they have failed to do.

Posted

mail-letter-10

I took my words, my thoughts confined to the ink on a page
I took them and bound them within the comforting wrapping
An envelope which contained an address and a flowered stamp
And from its home in one box it vanished, swept away
Carried by mechanisms unseen and unknown from me to you
And in this time between times, this passage of days
Where the words from the past meet you in the future
They wait for removal from their slumber to awake in your mind
 
In this age of digital where electrons travel in an instant
Across the nodes on the map, bearing their message without fail
There is still something to the deliberate and slow method
Where the words must wait until their parole comes
And they can break free from their prison and embrace their love
To risk that in the time of transition that the words don’t lose their meaning
And that like a good wine they get better with the time.
 
Neil White, 2014

In the Moment

Mechanical Clock by jimking@deviantart.com

Mechanical Clock by jimking@deviantart.com

The past is gone with its joys and sorrows and yet it wants to linger
To corrupt the moment with its unanswered questions and haunted moments
It wants to continue to speak long after its allotted time has passed
It wants to live again and again in that long awaited moment
That kairotic time where grace and possibility have opened up
Where there is no longer the need to seek a better past
Or to live life as an apology for the missteps we make real and imagined
And in the moment I am trying to live and love and dwell
Maybe someday this moment will be an echo of a past gone away
But for now I am in the moment and I am alive
 
The future also desires to cast its own voice into the moment
Whispering its potentials and possibilities, pitfalls and perils
Filling the space with what ifs, might becomes and the questions of uncertainty
Speaking in harmony with the past it tries to haunt the moment
With the specters of questions that cannot be answered
And may never be asked, if not in the fears of what could be
Yet in this time of grace there is perhaps the courage to listen
To listen primarily to the moment, not ignoring the future and past
But to realize that their voices are meant to complement and not dominate
This moment in which we live, this time where we love
And for the moment we can dance and celebrate and embrace
The life that we know and the gift of each passing moment
 
Neil White, 2014

Images for the Ninth Sunday after Pentecost, Lectionary 19A

1 Kings 19: 9-18                 Elijah at Mount Horeb
Psalm 85: 8-13                   Righteousness and peace will kiss each other
Romans 10: 5-15              The word is near you, on your lips and in your heart
Matthew 14: 22-33          Jesus walks on the sea of Galilee
 

A few of Elijah

Greek Orthodox Icon, The Prophet Elijah

Greek Orthodox Icon, The Prophet Elijah

Elijah in the Wilderness, Raphael or Raphael's school

Elijah in the Wilderness, Raphael or Raphael’s school

Russian Orthodox Icon, Elijah in the Desert

Russian Orthodox Icon, Elijah in the Desert

And for the Reading from Matthew of Jesus and Peter on the sea of Galilee

Gustav Dore, Jesus Appears to the Disciples

Gustav Dore, Jesus Appears to the Disciples

Amedee Varin (1818-1883) Le Christ marchant sur la mer

Amedee Varin (1818-1883) Le Christ marchant sur la mer

Ivan Aivazovsky, Walking on Water (1890s)

Ivan Aivazovsky, Walking on Water (1890s)

Francois Boucher, Saint Peter Attempting to Walk on the Water (1766)

Francois Boucher, Saint Peter Attempting to Walk on the Water (1766)

Also James B. Janknegt’s picture Walking on Water

Little Faith Ones

Extract of Herbert Boeckl's fresco "Saint Peter's rescue from the Lake Galilee" inside the cathedral of Maria Sall, Carinthia, Austria

Extract of Herbert Boeckl’s fresco “Saint Peter’s rescue from the Lake Galilee” inside the cathedral of Maria Saal, Carinthia, Austria

Do we enter into the storms of life under the judging eyes of some untouchable creator?
So enmeshed in the separation between the our own unworthiness and his perfection
And the magnification of every misstep to the point where each trespass and violation
Is magnified to take upon the unshakeable weight of the world in our lives
Tipping the scales of justice from the possibility of salvation to certainty of damnation
Living a purgatorial existence of trying to love a creator that seems to no longer care
In a world that is anthropocentrically centered around our actions and failures
“You of little faith, how could you doubt?”
 
Yet, perhaps we enter the storms of life under the eyes of a God who approaches us
Who comes to us in the storms, who beckons us to come beyond the safety of the ship
And perhaps rather than pointing out to us every failure, instead in the moment of need
Reaches out the hand and grasps the hand thrashing about in fear and returns us home
To the belly of the boat where the winds can subside and the waves diminish
Tipping the scales of justice from the certainty of damnation to the possibility of healing and life
Entering the purgatories of our own lives and opening to us kingdoms of hope and peace
Where steadfast love and faithfulness meet and righteousness and peace kiss
In a world that is theologically centered upon the God who comes near uttering
Take heart, it is I, do not be afraid as I come to you in the midst of the storms of life
“My little faith ones, why do you doubt?”
 
Neil White, 2014

Jeremiah 41 The Murder of Gedaliah and a Shattered Hope

Edvard Munch, The Scream (Der Schrei der Natur) 1893

Edvard Munch, The Scream (Der Schrei der Natur) 1893

In the seventh month, Ishmael son of Nethaniah son of Elishama, of the royal family, one of the chief officers of the king, came with ten men to Gedaliah son of Ahikam, at Mizpah. As they ate bread together there at Mizpah, 2 Ishmael son of Nethaniah and the ten men with him got up and struck down Gedaliah son of Ahikam son of Shaphan with the sword and killed him, because the king of Babylon had appointed him governor in the land. 3 Ishmael also killed all the Judeans who were with Gedaliah at Mizpah, and the Chaldean soldiers who happened to be there.

 4 On the day after the murder of Gedaliah, before anyone knew of it, 5 eighty men arrived from Shechem and Shiloh and Samaria, with their beards shaved and their clothes torn, and their bodies gashed, bringing grain offerings and incense to present at the temple of the LORD. 6 And Ishmael son of Nethaniah came out from Mizpah to meet them, weeping as he came. As he met them, he said to them, “Come to Gedaliah son of Ahikam.” 7 When they reached the middle of the city, Ishmael son of Nethaniah and the men with him slaughtered them, and threw them into a cistern. 8 But there were ten men among them who said to Ishmael, “Do not kill us, for we have stores of wheat, barley, oil, and honey hidden in the fields.” So he refrained, and did not kill them along with their companions.

 9 Now the cistern into which Ishmael had thrown all the bodies of the men whom he had struck down was the large cistern that King Asa had made for defense against King Baasha of Israel; Ishmael son of Nethaniah filled that cistern with those whom he had killed. 10 Then Ishmael took captive all the rest of the people who were in Mizpah, the king’s daughters and all the people who were left at Mizpah, whom Nebuzaradan, the captain of the guard, had committed to Gedaliah son of Ahikam. Ishmael son of Nethaniah took them captive and set out to cross over to the Ammonites.

11 But when Johanan son of Kareah and all the leaders of the forces with him heard of all the crimes that Ishmael son of Nethaniah had done, 12 they took all their men and went to fight against Ishmael son of Nethaniah. They came upon him at the great pool that is in Gibeon. 13 And when all the people who were with Ishmael saw Johanan son of Kareah and all the leaders of the forces with him, they were glad. 14 So all the people whom Ishmael had carried away captive from Mizpah turned around and came back, and went to Johanan son of Kareah. 15 But Ishmael son of Nethaniah escaped from Johanan with eight men, and went to the Ammonites. 16 Then Johanan son of Kareah and all the leaders of the forces with him took all the rest of the people whom Ishmael son of Nethaniah had carried away captive from Mizpah after he had slain Gedaliah son of Ahikam– soldiers, women, children, and eunuchs, whom Johanan brought back from Gibeon. 17 And they set out, and stopped at Geruth Chimham near Bethlehem, intending to go to Egypt 18 because of the Chaldeans; for they were afraid of them, because Ishmael son of Nethaniah had killed Gedaliah son of Ahikam, whom the king of Babylon had made governor over the land.

 

In Chapter 40 there was a hope for the remnant in Judah in the appointment of Gedaliah and the return of refugees from the surrounding regions that were joining with those left by Nebuzaradan, the Babylonian captain of the guard, as beginning to pick up the pieces of their destroyed homeland. Yet for a small group that returned, the war is not over and the appointment of Gedeliah as governor to act on behalf of Babylon is further insult to their loss. At the end of Chapter 40 we overheard Johanan son of Kareah inform Gedaliah of the plot by both the king of Ammon and Ishmael so of Nethaniah and at the beginning of chapter 41 we are introduced to Ishmael. Ishmael is of the royal family and an officer of the king, perhaps one of the very officers who continued to lobby for resistance against the Chaldeans as the city languished with no food under the siege, yet unlike the rest of the Davidic line he somehow avoided being taken into captivity and now he returns and is welcomed by Gedaliah. Perhaps Ishmael wants to reign himself, perhaps it is merely the association with Babylon, perhaps he is merely bloodthirsty and loves the destruction of war, whatever his reasons he kills Gedaliah. His act is monstrous, he and his ten men while enjoying the hospitality of Gedaliah kill him. Gedaliah’s other allies are not present and perhaps Gedaliah is intentionally trying to make peace with Ishmael.

Ishmael murders the king, the other Judeans with Gedaliah as well as the Chaldean soldiers who are there, then he manages to keep things quiet for a day. The following day eighty pilgrims come to mourn the fallen temple and they, under deceit, are led to their death. It is significant that these pilgrims are coming from Israel and perhaps in this one scene we see not only the desired coming to Jerusalem by these representatives from Israel but also the failure of the royal family to be open to reunification except in terms of conquest. Seventy of the eighty pilgrims are slaughtered and their bodies discarded into a large cistern, ten escape only by promising their stores of grain, oil and honey. Ishmael and his men are portrayed as bloodthirsty killers and they hold the people of the area in terror by their violence. Once Johanan and his forces arrive the people quickly turn to him and Ishmael flees to Ammon.

The remnant, now under Johanan is terrified that Babylon will respond to the death of their appointed governor. Even though they are innocent of the murder they fear the armies of the Chaldeans will not be very discerning when they return a third time to put down an insurrection so they retreat. Their intended destination is Egypt, a place in the opposite direction from Babylon and a place that may offer them the protection they seek. In rational terms it is a sensible plan because they have no way to oppose Babylon, yet it ends up not being the will of God as well will see in the coming chapter.

There are different opinions on whether Gedeliah only remains in power three months (city is destroyed in the fourth month and he is assassinated in the seventh month) or whether, since no year marker is given, he reigns longer. There is a final deportation to Babylon in 582 BCE, which may have been in reaction to these events (five years later). But it is impossible to tell, especially since it took time to mobilize forces in the ancient world. Gedaliah had been long forgotten in Jewish and Christian memories and he returned to the Jewish collective consciousness following the assassination of Prime Minister Yitzchak Rabin in November 1995. (Lau, 2013, p. 199) The fast of Gedaliah (held on September 28 in 2014) has been promoted by some groups as a day for dialogue, yet for many Gedaliah is a mixed figure. There will always be those who are unhappy with compromises and any type of movement for reconciliation within the political constraints of the day, yet the message of Jeremiah over and over again to the people of Judah was precisely the uncomfortable message of surrender to Babylon and settling in within their empire. At a time where Jeremiah’s message seemed proved correct there were still those who were committed to preventing this type of accommodation while they had any power, and thus the narrative of Jeremiah continues its dark path further away from the promised land.

Seeing our Better Selves

When my image is captured and frozen in time it is so easy to see what I don’t like
Even more than my mirror image where I can turn and perhaps see things differently
In the moving image I can find the better light and the parts of me that I like
But there, frozen in time in a now dead moment it is so easy to pick at the flaws
To critique myself in a much harsher light than any other would ever see
And in my life it is helpful to find those who remind me how to see my better self
Who in that same image see not the flaws frozen to be picked apart and fretted upon
But in that moment sees not a moment dead in time but instead a reminder of the living me
And learning to see myself through another’s eyes and risking cataloging the moments
As living reminders to celebrate the person I am today viewed in a new light
photo

Noticed

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

Sometimes when you least expect it to happen it happens
There in your isolation someone else sees and hears
Maybe just a passing stranger who smiles sweetly
Or the kindred spirit you had stopped seeking
Wanders into your life and opens up theirs for a moment
It may be a touch or a word or a look
A fleeting moment or the beginning of eternity
There are no guarantees of anything beyond
But for the moment you are noticed
And your life, for a time, is not the same
It is saturated by the richness the other brings to it
And we know a part of that sweet communion
Our souls were created to know
And our hearts restlessly long for.
Neil White, 2014