Tag Archives: God

Introduction to Lamentations

Jeremiah Lamenting the Destruction of Jerusalem by Rembrandt van Rijn 1630

I have intentionally worked my way through several books normally overlooked by Christian readers and leaders in our scriptures. The book of Lamentations for most of its history would qualify as an underutilized book within the scriptures we share with our Jewish Ancestors. Although there has been some recent scholarly interest in these five poems, for the average person of faith the name of the book is probably enough to scare the casual reader away. Yet, I do believe that we neglect the breadth of scripture to our own detriment. Over the thirteen years I’ve been writing on signoftherose I’ve gained a much greater appreciation for the wisdom of Hebrew poetry and the open and honest dialogue between God and God’s people that our scriptures capture.

Having worked through Psalms 1-110 and Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon) has given me a much greater appreciation of Hebrew poetry, and Lamentations is poetry. Lamentations is five poems, four of which are structured as acrostics[1] which move sequentially through the twenty-two letters of the Hebrew alphabet and the final poem’s twenty-two lines while not acrostic matches the twenty-two verse format of an acrostic. The acrostic form is often used to denote the completion of a thought, but due to the tragic event that evokes these poems it is also may be a tool to provide structure during a traumatic time.

Gwen Sayler and Ann Fritschel, my Hebrew Bible instructors twenty-five years ago at Wartburg Seminary used to joke that the answer to any question in the Hebrew Scriptures was likely to be the Babylonian exile. This event reshaped the Hebrew people when the Davidic king is sent into exile as well as the people. They mourn the loss of their land, the temple, and Jerusalem. Having worked through both Jeremiah and Ezekiel, which bracket Lamentations in the Christian arrangement of scriptures, has involved me dwelling in the writings of this period around 587 BCE. Lamentations current position after Jeremiah is due to the traditional attribution of these poems to Jeremiah.

The Hebrew name of this short book of poems is Eikha which comes from the first word of the first poem. Eikha is the elongated form of the word eikh which means “how?” How has this disaster happened to the people. This question would consume the two long prophetic books of Jeremiah and Ezekiel, the Deuteronomic historical retelling of the narrative of 1 & 2 Kings which climaxes at the exile at the end of the narrative, and several psalms most notably Psalm137. How has the relationship between God and God’s people come to this point where the central symbols of the people have collapsed: the Davidic monarchy, the city of Jerusalem (Zion), the land, and the temple built by Solomon. As the people find themselves as strangers in strange lands they have to rediscover what it means to be the people of the covenant.

Lamentations is a book with theological implications, but it is not attempting to be systematic. It is emotional, as it should be. Its voice is the voice of the wounded people of a lost city seeing through tear-filled eyes. It may be utilizing structure to help make sense of the chaotic, but it is a book shaped by grief and broken hearts. As John Goldingay states, “Lamentations is a “mandate to question.”” (Goldingay, 2022, p. 30) Theologically Lamentations assumes, like much of Hebrew literature, that the God of Israel is responsible for everything that occurs. Although Lamentations understands that the cause of the exile is the covenant unfaithfulness of Israel to their God, they protest and plead with God to change God’s mind and reverse the punishment they are receiving. Ultimately for the poet or poets of Lamentations their physical and emotional problems are a result of their relational problems with their God.

Resources Used For This Journey

Harvey Cox and Stephanie Paulsell, Lamentations and The Song of Songs. Belief Commentary on the Bible. Louisville: Westminster John Knox Publishing Company,2012.

The Belief Commentary series is a theological commentary written by theologians rather than biblical scholars. Harvey Cox did the Lamentations half of this commentary and uses Lamentations as a springboard into a wide range of theological topics. I read this commentary initially when I was working through Song of Songs.

John Goldingay, The Book of Lamentations. (New International Commentary on the Old Testament series). Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdman’s Publishing Company, 2022.

The NICOT series of commentaries have often been helpful textual commentaries, and when looking for a volume to assist with the language as well as the historical background these have often been helpful. John Goldingay is a scholar who has written extensively on Jeremiah and the literature associated with Jeremiah.

Kathleen M. O’Connor, “Book of Lamentations” in The New Interpreter’s Bible. Volume VI. Nashville, Abingdon Press, 1996.

The NIB is a solid all-around commentary on the entire bible and apocrypha. It is designed for pastors and those leading in congregations, so it does not normally engage the textual issues as deeply as the NICOT or Anchor Bible commentaries.

Ziegler, Yael, Lamentations: Faith in a Turbulent World. Maggid Studies in Tanakh. Jerusalem. Maggid Books, 2021.

When I can I attempt to utilize a Jewish scholar when reading the scriptures that we share. The Maggid Studies I have utilized in the past have been approachable but also provide a window into perspectives that most Christian scholars may not explore.


[1] Chapter three is acrostic but instead of one verse per letter there are three verses.

Psalm 104 Praise the Great God of Creation

Sun over Lake Hawea in New Zealand By Michal Klajban – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=78855569

Psalm 104

 1Bless the LORD, O my soul. O LORD my God, you are very great. You are clothed with honor and majesty,
 2wrapped in light as with a garment. You stretch out the heavens like a tent,
 3you set the beams of your chambers on the waters, you make the clouds your chariot, you ride on the wings of the wind,
 4you make the winds your messengers, fire and flame your ministers.
 5You set the earth on its foundations, so that it shall never be shaken.
 6You cover it with the deep as with a garment; the waters stood above the mountains.
 7At your rebuke they flee; at the sound of your thunder they take to flight.
 8They rose up to the mountains, ran down to the valleys to the place that you appointed for them.
 9You set a boundary that they may not pass, so that they might not again cover the earth.
 10You make springs gush forth in the valleys; they flow between the hills,
 11giving drink to every wild animal; the wild asses quench their thirst.
 12By the streams the birds of the air have their habitation; they sing among the branches.
 13From your lofty abode you water the mountains; the earth is satisfied with the fruit of your work.
 14You cause the grass to grow for the cattle, and plants for people to use, to bring forth food from the earth,
 15and wine to gladden the human heart, oil to make the face shine, and bread to strengthen the human heart.
 16The trees of the LORD are watered abundantly, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.
 17In them the birds build their nests; the stork has its home in the fir trees.
 18The high mountains are for the wild goats; the rocks are a refuge for the coneys.
 19You have made the moon to mark the seasons; the sun knows its time for setting.
 20You make darkness, and it is night, when all the animals of the forest come creeping out.
 21The young lions roar for their prey, seeking their food from God.
 22When the sun rises, they withdraw and lie down in their dens.
 23People go out to their work and to their labor until the evening.
 24O LORD, how manifold are your works! In wisdom you have made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.
 25Yonder is the sea, great and wide, creeping things innumerable are there, living things both small and great.
 26There go the ships, and Leviathan that you formed to sport in it.
 27These all look to you to give them their food in due season;
 28when you give to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
 29When you hide your face, they are dismayed; when you take away their breath, they die
 and return to their dust.
 30When you send forth your spirit, they are created; and you renew the face of the ground.
 31May the glory of the LORD endure forever; may the LORD rejoice in his works —
 32who looks on the earth and it trembles, who touches the mountains and they smoke.
 33I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being.
 34May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the LORD.
 35Let sinners be consumed from the earth, and let the wicked be no more. Bless the LORD, O my soul. Praise the LORD!

This psalm and its predecessor are linked by their common opening and closing, “Bless the LORD, O my soul (nephesh).”  The pairing of these psalms reminds me of a table prayer that I taught my children as they were growing up, “God is great, God is good, and we thank God for our food.”  As Rolf A. Jacobson can state,

Whereas the central theological witness of Psalm 103 is that God is good (that is, the Lord is a God of hesed), the driving witness of Psalm 104 is that God is great. (Nancy deClaisse-Walford, 2014, p. 774)

This psalm looks in doxological wonder at the beauty, majesty, and order of God’s creation and exuberantly pours out praise at the greatness of the God who created the heavens and the earth. Like earlier psalms that marveled in the intricate connections and scale of creation, the psalmist joins their voice as a humble offering amidst the chorus of creation.

When modern people talk of creation our typical mode of thought is scientific and explanatory. The debate between creationists who try to limit God’s creation to the seven days of Genesis 1 and evolutionists arguing for a natural evolution of the universe are both framed by the language of modernity, a language which would be foreign to the scriptures. The biblical way of approaching the creation is the language of poetry and praise, wonder and curiosity. The entire direction of both the biblical narratives of creation in Genesis 1-2 and the places where the bible poetically wonders at the creation is oriented on giving praise, honor, glory, and majesty to the God of creation. This poem shares the characteristic joyfulness of the faithful ones throughout the scriptures reflecting on God’s own joy at the good creation.

Both Psalm 104 and the Genesis narratives utilize and subvert the mythological language found in the creation myths throughout the Middle East. While the Lord’s chambers are established upon the waters, an image of chaos throughout the Middle Eastern mythologies, both Genesis and the Psalms have the LORD bringing order out of chaos in a non-violent manner. Light and heavens, waters and wind, fires and flames, clouds and earth all become ordered to form the dominion of God and all the elements are brought together to build and serve the order of God. The waters rise up like a garment and though they can cover the mountains they flee at God’s rebuke and are bound and contained. The chaotic waters that threatened to flood the earth become the lifegiving seas and waters which provide for the plants of the earth and the animals of the field.

The psalmist delight’s in “God’s superabundant liberality”[1] and imagines God looking with delight upon the majestic creation. The lens of the psalmist begins his reflection on the works[2] of God’s hands with agricultural images that would likely be closest to their daily experience. God causes grass to grow for cattle, and plants that people harvest that bring forth the food that people eat. God is great and God is good, and they thank God for the food that God provides. God provide for the necessities of life but also for the joyous things: wine to gladden the human heart, oil for the human face, and bread to strengthen the heart.[3] Yet, the reflection on the works of God do not end with the immediate benefits for human society. God provides for the trees and the birds that live in them, wild goats and rabbits. There is a time for everything, daytime and nighttime for humanity and the creatures of the forest, days marked by the sun and seasons marked by the moon. The lion, the representative great beast of the forest, humanity works in the city and fields, and Leviathan the great beast of the sea all joins in the noise of creation calling out to God. Leviathan, the great chaos monster that was a threat to the gods in other societies, is now merely a plaything of the LORD. The great lion of the forest and the dragon of the sea have been tamed by the creating LORD upon whom both depend.  Lion, humanity, and Leviathan all know that God is great, and God is good, and it is the LORD who they thank for the food that God provides in due season.

Yet, the creation is dependent upon God’s continual attention and sustainment. Hebrew thought has no conception of the modern image of a god who created the universe as a clockmaker creates a clock, winds it up and then departs. The creation remains dependent upon God’s face being turned towards it and God’s breath[4] residing within and animating the creature. Humanity and all creation are completely dependent upon the continued provision of the LORD which animates the creatures and renews the face of the ground. The face of the ground looks up in adoration at the face of the LORD which provides for it. The earth trembles at the attention of the LORD and the touch of God’s finger upon the mountain causes them to smoke.

The psalmist sings his song amid the majesty of creation as an offering to the LORD. The penultimate line where the psalmist asks for “sinners to be consumed from the earth, and let the wicked be not more” may seem like a discordant note to end the psalm with, but within the ordered world of creation and God’s justice and righteousness there is no space for those who undermine the order of creation. Hebrew wisdom does separate good from evil, righteous from sinners, wise from foolish, and the faithful from the wicked. Yet, the LORD is both good and great, providing life, food, and joy for all of creation, and the psalmists humble meditation tries to with their humble offering of praise to bring a little joy to the creator. Their whole life[5] is involved with blessing and praising the good and great God of creation.

Cecil Alexander’s joyous song “All Things Bright and Beautiful” echoes the emotion and orientation of this psalm:

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all.

And in the final verse of this song, after reflecting on creation from the smallness of flowers to the majesty of the mountains, Cecil Alexander’s words come back to the human standing amid the wonders of God’s works:

God gave us eyes to see them, and lips that we might tell how great is God Almighty, who has made all things well.

Or in the words of the psalmist, Bless the LORD, O my soul (nephesh). Praise the LORD. May our eyes, lips, and entire being continually live in wonder at the greatness of the creation that God’s hands formed, at the faithfulness of God continuing to look upon the face of the earth and sending forth the ruach (wind, spirit, breath) which continues to animate and sustain the creation and to respond in praise.


[1] John Calvin’s term. (Bellinger, 2014, p. 446)

[2] Works, Hebrew ‘asa, is an important concept in the poem which is sometimes translated make (s)/made (v. 4, 19, 24b) and other times as works (v. 13, 31). (NIB VI: 1096)

[3] Worth noting that the heart in Hebrew is not the instrument of emotion but of will and decision.

[4] This is the Hebrew ruach which can also mean spirit or wind. All creation in both Genesis 1 and Psalm 104 is dependent upon the ruach which originates in God. English translates ruach as breath and spirit in successive verses obscuring this connection.

[5] Hebrew nephesh is not simple the Greek concept of soul but encompasses all of life.

Psalm 102 The Song of One Suffering in Solitude

Job (oil on canvas) by Bonnat, Leon Joseph Florentin (1833-1922)

Psalm 102

A prayer of one afflicted, when faint and pleading before the LORD.
 1Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry come to you.
 2Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress. Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call.
 3For my days pass away like smoke, and my bones burn like a furnace.
 4My heart is stricken and withered like grass; I am too wasted to eat my bread.
 5Because of my loud groaning my bones cling to my skin.
 6I am like an owl of the wilderness, like a little owl of the waste places.
 7I lie awake; I am like a lonely bird on the housetop.
 8All day long my enemies taunt me; those who deride me use my name for a curse.
 9For I eat ashes like bread, and mingle tears with my drink,
 10because of your indignation and anger; for you have lifted me up and thrown me aside.
 11My days are like an evening shadow; I wither away like grass.
 12But you, O LORD, are enthroned forever; your name endures to all generations.
 13You will rise up and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to favor it; the appointed time has come.
 14For your servants hold its stones dear, and have pity on its dust.
 15The nations will fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth your glory.
 16For the LORD will build up Zion; he will appear in his glory.
 17He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and will not despise their prayer.
 18Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet unborn may praise the LORD:
 19that he looked down from his holy height, from heaven the LORD looked at the earth,
 20to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die;
 21so that the name of the LORD may be declared in Zion, and his praise in Jerusalem,
 22when peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship the LORD.
 23He has broken my strength in midcourse; he has shortened my days.
 24“O my God,” I say, “do not take me away at the midpoint of my life, you whose years endure throughout all generations.”
 25Long ago you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands.
 26They will perish, but you endure; they will all wear out like a garment. You change them like clothing, and they pass away;
 27but you are the same, and your years have no end.

 28The children of your servants shall live secure; their offspring shall be established in your presence.

Psalm 102 is described in its superscription as a prayer of one afflicted, when faint and pleading before the LORD. This type of description is unusual among the psalms. It doesn’t indicate an author to attribute the psalm to, nor does it give instructions for its performance or a reference to a scriptural story that the psalm comes from. This psalm of a suffering one who is alienated from their body, from society, and ultimately from God may have been intended as a psalm that any suffering individual could recite at times where their situation seemed hopeless, and God’s help seemed far away. Imagery of impermanence, loneliness, pain, and shame permeate the complaint of the psalm, but like many psalms of complaint there is a turn towards hope. The psalmist intuits that the answer, “to human finitude and mortality is divine infinitude and immortality.” (Nancy deClaisse-Walford, 2014, p. 754)

The opening language of the psalm resonates with appeals throughout the psalter as Rolf A. Jacobson notes:

The opening appeal to be heard employs language quite typical of these entreaties—hear my prayer, let my cry come unto you (39:12), do not hide your face (27:9; 143:7), turn your ear towards me (31:2; 71:2), make haste to answer me (69:17; 143:7) (Nancy deClaisse-Walford, 2014, p. 751)

Although Rolf Jacobson attributes this to intentionally creating a generic composition for use in the community, the use of familiar language may also reflect a person shaped in the communal worship which utilizes these psalms. The language of prayer and faith is shaped in the worshipping community which shaped the psalmist’s faith and life. Yet, now in a time when the author is alienated from their own physical body, from the community, and from God, they turn to the words that shaped their life when they were physically, socially, and religiously whole.

The psalm moves between personal complaints about their own health and isolation, “I complaints” in Westermann’s terminology, complaints about the actions of isolation and persecution by those in the psalmist’s society, “they complaints”, and complaints about the way that God is treating the psalmist, “you complaints.”[1] The personal complaints begin with an image of transience that reminds me of Ecclesiastes frequently used term hebel (vanity, emptiness). Hebel literally means smoke, mist, or vapor but is often used metaphorically to refer to the emptiness of life.[2] Now for the psalmist their days pass away like smoke and their bones burn like a furnace. Their life down to their very bones is going up in smoke while their heart withers like grass and they are too far gone to even eat the bread that could give them strength.  Their songs have turned to groans and their body now is transforming into a (barely) living skeleton. We don’t know if they were suffering from an illness, but they attribute their suffering to God’s judgment upon them. Their suffering is also done in isolation, they are like an unclean owl of the wastelands or a lonely bird on a roof. These lonely images of birds heighten the feeling of the psalm, for the sufferer is not only weak but they are abandoned.

The social complaints are also sharply worded as the psalmist’s unnamed name is synonymous with a curse among their enemies. Their personal weakness and isolation are viewed in the society as a curse from God, and enemies have taken advantage of this weakness. The only nourishment left for this abandoned one is the bread of ashes and the drink of tears.  Yet, behind both the physical pain and suffering and the social isolation is the LORD. We are never told of any sin that this poet has committed, but they view their suffering because of God’s anger and distance. In the words of the psalm God has cast the suffering one aside and yet hope resides in God repenting from God’s attitude towards the psalmist, turning the face and hearing with the ear and responding with grace and healing.

In contrast to the evanescent position of the psalmist is the strength and might of the LORD. The psalmist now joins his fate to the action of God to have compassion on Zion. It is possible that this psalm originates in the time of the exile where there is hope for the rebuilding of Zion and rescue the people from the destitute position as exiles in a foreign land. Yet, even without the context of the Babylonian exile, the turn to hope is based on the faithfulness of God for the people and a belief that God’s anger lasts only a moment, but God’s favor is for a lifetime.[3] The poet’s strength may have been broken in the middle of their life by God’s action, but if God wills it will be renewed. The heavens and the earth which seem so permanent to humanity are like a garment that can easily be changed by the powerful and permanent God. God will continue to endure and only in God can this suffering one hope to find a renewed physical, social, and religious life. The psalmist claims their familial bond to the LORD the God of Israel and now awaits the parental turning of their God to the children of God’s servants.


[1] Rolf A. Jacobson notes this helpful pattern citing Westermann, The Psalms (54-57). (Nancy deClaisse-Walford, 2014, p. 752)

[2] Psalm102 does not use the term hebel but the combination of words of impermanence create a similar resonance for me as Ecclesiastes.

[3] Psalm 30:5.

Communio: A Poem

 

 candle

There are times when the words and symbols spark
Lighting up our world, illuminating the dark
And in our mundane world magic appears
To strengthen resolve or to calm our fears
With a community of saints on holy ground
Where the remnants of ancient faith are found
 
In those rare times, you can almost feel
The mystery hiding behind the real
Where good and evil struggle and strive
And God and the devil are still alive
Where water and wine and flesh and stone
Unite us together. We are not alone
 
Where God’s presence has come to earth to dwell
And deep runs the water in the spiritual well
Where hope emerges from the pain
And the drought ends in heavenly rain
Where we see again the world made new
And the magic returns to me and to you

What I learned about myself, life and God from my child on the Autistic Spectrum: Part 4

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

This is my final installment on this for the time being. There are certainly more things I have learned but for now this is enough to say.

8.  Familial Image of God, this comes more from the experience of being a father in general, rather than the father of my son in particular, but being a father made me realize the amount of personal investment I have in my own son—and that would not be something I would be able to walk away from, nor would my son be able to end his relationship to me as his father. Aren will always, no matter what he does throughout his life, have a place in my heart and nothing will change that. There is nothing he could do that would make me disown him. So long as I live I will not give up on him. I will always attempt to support him as best I can. On the other hand, he is his own person and I want him to grow up and continue to develop his own personality and identity. I want him to have the ability to follow his own dreams and make his own mistakes. I want him to have the freedom to fail, to stumble and to get back up and I think that is part of what the concept of grace is all about. Who he is as my son will never change, he will always be that, but who he is as a person I want him to determine on his own, and I will be his biggest cheerleader throughout that process but I will not force him to follow in my footsteps. The more I encounter God, the more I think there is something to this picture of God as a Father who is not uninvolved, but who is gracious. A God who wants us to find our own identity, but we also never lose our identity as children of God.  I try to as best I can to be the type of father who models the way Martin Luther talks about God the Father who want us to come to him as loving children come to a loving father.

9. Dealing with the dark side of reality. I have been accused of being the eternal optimist, that even in the darkest experiences of life (which I have had my share of) I still seek for the gift in the suffering, the lesson in the pain and I know this does not come immediately, yet my son wrestles with the self destructive and environmentally destructive nature of humanity with a very different lens. One of the most profound conversations I have had with my sons a couple times over the last year is , “With all the evil that people do, what right do we have to exist?” No otherworldly vision of Christianity has an answer to this, yet the faith of the early Christians was very worldly, and they took very serious the reality that God indeed loved the world, and in strong contrast to many modern Christian belief systems the entire purpose of life was not to escape the world (actually that was the worldview of one of the early Christian heresies called Gnosticism) but rather that as followers of Christ (or more generally God) they were caught up in the dream of God for the renewal and reconciliation of the world.  Both the Jewish people and early Christians had the audacious view that they were a part of God’s plan for the renewal of creation, this is the reason Paul can write in Romans that “the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God.” The dark side of reality is present, real and painful and yet part of the Christian hope is that it is not the final answer and in hope we yearn (and work) for something better.  

10. The reality that even when we are unable to receive love, love is still given. I think most parents have times throughout their childrens’ lives where they have trouble connecting, where the advice, care, support and love are not able to be accepted because the children themselves are in a process of growing up and becoming their own selves. My son in his own way is navigating the early teenage years where his journey is different than mine was, and yet there is definitely a change. He no longer needs or honestly wants the same level of attention, he is becoming more self sufficient and I am proud of him for that. Are there times I grieve the type of relationship we had earlier, yes, but I try to let him know that he is loved and valued but there are times where he doesn’t seem to want to hear this anymore.  I think many of us go through this in our relationship with others and with God as well. I think many, and I certainly did, go through a phase where we have to figure out who we are as individuals, and individuals trying to negotiate different and new relationships and sometimes (at least for a time) the old relationships get put to the side and the ones that are valued are come back to. I also have had several points in my own journey with God where I have had to argue something through, I’ve gone through several difficult things in my life that I had to make sense of, and part of making sense of that was arguing with God about it for me. In those times when I may have been arguing with God and may not have always wanted to hear what God had to say, when I may have wanted to push God away I found God waiting patiently through the process.

purple rose 01 by picsofflowers.blogspot.com

What I learned about myself, life and God from my son on the Autistic Spectrum: Part 3

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

5. We often value people for very superficial reasons part 1: There are a whole set of criteria that people are judged by constantly by those around them including, but not limited to: physical appearance and dress, weight, proportions, muscle tone, skin coloration, the manner in which a person carries themselves, appropriate social interactions and even smell plays into game of subconscious evaluation of others based on appearance. In less formal language we quickly determine who is cool and who is not within a group of peers, which people are noticed for being popular, who are the geeks, who are the outcast and who are the invisible members of a group. One of the gifts of learning to see things through my son’s eyes is that none of these things matter to him, he would say that he honestly doesn’t care about other’s evaluation of him even though he is entering an age where these things are very important to his peers. I found it interesting that his first real friend at his current school is another student who is also very smart but has Cerebral Palsy, and so is also unable to interact in the same manner as many of their peers. In fact Aren finds most of the social games played by his classmates as not only distracting but annoying. To me one of the gifts of the Christian tradition is the practice of communion or the Lord’s Supper where we gather around the table with others who have been drawn to be a part of the fellowship we share in Christ and around the table none of the typical valuations matter. All come on an equal footing to share in the foretaste of the feast that God promises us God’s kingdom. In the community I serve we have a number of people who may not rank very high on the social ladder for many of the reasons listed above and yet they are all people of value in the body of Christ.

6. We often judge people for very superficial reasons part 2: I am a very smart, tough and capable person and throughout my experience in schooling, the army and even within the church I learned quickly to judge a person based upon how competent they were. Competence looks like different things in different environments but this reduces a person’s worth to their functionality. My son is a very smart and capable young man but in a world that judges by physical attraction and social interaction he is at a disadvantage, on the other hand he tends to view the world even more harshly in terms of functionality than I ever did. There may be ways in which we use metrics to measure a person’s competence at a skill or a task, this is the whole world of testing in both the academic and business world, but we should never confuse competence with value. People have value regardless of their level of competence or physical or social traits. Within the world of competence also falls status, wealth, education, political power and fame which we also learn increase the value of a person in our eyes, yet this is precisely the type of valuation that Christians should be immune to (but apparently even the early church struggled with this due to the frequency it is addressed in the letters within the New Testament). I have on my wall a plaque that Nate Frambach, my advisor in seminary, gave me upon my graduation which states, “Neil Eric White, you are a baptized child of God, whatever else you are remember you are that for that is the basis of all that you are.” My valuation comes not from my own personal competence, wealth, power, physical appearance, social prowess or any other measure-it is a gift from God that I am valued (and not only me, and I would argue not only Christians).

7. Just because someone doesn’t seem to be paying attention doesn’t mean they aren’t listening and watching what you are doing. Now this applies to people regardless, but I mention it because in learning to see the world through my son’s eyes I realized that not everyone has to look to pay attention. I was always taught (and yes, I realize this is a very masculine way of approaching things) to look a person in the eye when they talk to you and by extension that if a person did not look at you they weren’t paying attention. The eyes for most of us take in a lot of the information that we interpret in our brains and in a world where eye contact is not only a symbol of paying attention but at times a symbol of confidence (in contrast not looking a person in the eye was perceived as either dishonesty or lack of trust in one’s ability). Most autistic people do not like to make direct eye contact, it is uncomfortable for them, and they may be involved in one task that seems unrelated to what is going on around them yet be able to see, hear and perceive everything that is being said. In fact for my son he actually listens better when he is not directly looking at something. That being said he watches and listens to everything. I remember Nate Frambach once sharing, “don’t worry that your kids aren’t listening to you, worry intensely that they are watching everything you are doing.” Over the past ten years I have become increasingly aware of the number of ways that people listen and process information and I have learned to become much more aware of my own biases in the ways I learned to communicate.

Still not done, so stay tuned for at least one more installment

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What I learned about myself, life and God from my son on the autistic spectrum: Part 2

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

This is part 2 of a reflection in honor of Autism awareness month.

3. We live in an incredibly complex world and human communication is even more complex. Because of what I do, as a pastor, I am constantly interacting with other people in various formats. I, like most people, took the process of communicating for granted because I naturally picked up the ability to read eyes, body language, vocal tone and inflection, pay attention to the environment selectively in addition to paying attention to the words being said. I am actually a fairly gifted watcher and listener, and this comes in particularly when I am counseling people (so much so that some people have remarked I am almost clairvoyant in reading not only messages but people). The entire process of communication involves knowing what to pay attention to and what not to pay attention to, and as I tried to understand the process of communication from my son’s perspective I began to realize how many incredible functions my eyes, ears, other senses and ultimately my mind was taking in, sorting and analyzing and responding to. For example, Aren has difficult understanding many types of verbal humor because it involves the way something is said as much as what is said  One example of how easy it is to misunderstand communication came up when he was in elementary school and we went to meet with Aren’s teachers because Aren felt he was being picked on by one student when this student had been wanting to play with Aren and Aren never responded (he is quite happy being on his own) and the student, who couldn’t understand this at this point, kept asking to play with him. This has made me more sensitive to the polyvalent character of communication, one group of words can have several sets of meaning based on context, environment, vocal inflection, body language and so much more. As an interpreter of texts, I have become increasingly aware of how important the reader’s predisposition is to what is actually being said, and we necessarily impose meaning on words to give them a broader picture. When I was growing up, one of the churches I attended tended to approach reading the Bible in a way that was flat and conveyed no emotion, so as not to impose meaning on the text (unfortunately they did impose meaning on the text, but it was a meaning that it was flat, dull and emotionless). People also have very different abilities to hear and to communicate, some have a natural talent for this and in general women are better at reading and responding to communication than men-yet everyone has something to contribute.

4. Spirituality is a function of imagination. This is a huge statement and something I am wrestling through and before people get up in arms about it let me explain what I am attempting to say. Spirituality (not religion, per se) involves the ability to wonder and to try to understand the world in a way that is not based entirely on empirical observations. A person in the modern world can understand the world, their existence and their values based entirely upon a scientific worldview and feel no need for anything more (this is not a new phenomenon). I find it interesting that both atheism and religious fundamentalism there is a huge need to convert others to their dogmatic view of the world and I believe that part of the common issue is a need to lock everything within a concrete system which often leaves little room for questioning and wonder. My son struggles with the concept of God (which is interesting and at time challenging as a pastor) but I also am aware of many autistic children and adults who are fundamentalist Christians who find great comfort in the dogmatic worldview. There is a desire for simplicity that is simply not there in the world (nor the Bible for that matter) and there tends to be less openness to a sense of spirituality which can doubt, question and wonder. I am by no means an expert at the relationship between imagination, wonder, doubt and the ability to ask questions that challenge preconceptions but my theory is that they are related. (Perhaps something to explore, another good question) We live in a world where imagination is viewed as a function of childhood, and therefore something which is not highly valued, but I believe that imagination is more vital part of our lives than we often understand. What I do know is that it is difficult for my son to understand and approach the world in the way I have learned to do, especially in the last couple years. This doesn’t make him any less valuable than me, but his view of spirituality will be different than mine (like the manners and ways in which he expresses emotions, love and communicates). My spirituality and the imaginative act of understanding God and the world doesn’t force me to be confined within my understanding. I have also learned to value those who feel more comfortable within a more rigid view of the world, much like the compression my son needed for emotional and cognitive stabilization when he was a child his worldview provides comfort for him in his life.

More to come…

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What I learned about myself, life and God from my son on the autistic spectrum: Part 1

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

Autism by 1 footonthedawn(deviantart.com)

I remember vividly standing in the backyard of the parsonage in Blanchardville, Wisconsin the day we finally received my son’s diagnosis of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) and yelling at God, “What more do you want from me, I’ve followed you to seminary, I’m trying to do what you tell me to do, what more do you want?”  For those who are not as familiar with the landscape of the autistic spectrum this is one of the diagnoses within the spectrum that falls under the autism umbrella. That was ten years ago, my son was four at that point and my ex-wife were pouring our time and effort into my son and his newborn baby sister, trying to make ends meet and get him the therapy he needed while in seminary and on internship prior to my ordination in 2004. At that point in my life I was dealing with too many broken dreams to see the gift that Aren has become, but now ten years later I realize how much he has taught me about love, being human and in a strange way I have learned to see God in a different light through these experiences.

1.       Broken dreams do not necessarily mean a broken relationship. As I stood there yelling at God, I was in the process of mourning a broken set of dreams and expectations for my son. We all have a set of expectations for our children, that in some ways they will follow in our footsteps and make us proud. Prior to going into the ministry I had graduated from the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M and then served for four and a half years as an officer in the military. Aren was born while I was stationed at Ft. Polk, Louisiana and as a proud father I dreamed of one day seeing my son put on his senior boots at Texas A&M. It had been such a rich and formative opportunity for me at that stage in my life and I wanted the same for him, and that was one of the dreams that laid there on the floor shattered that day. I never stopped loving and caring for my son, even in the midst of his worst temper tantrums at that stage, or at the moments where I couldn’t understand how or why his speech wasn’t developing like most children’s speech just naturally did. Yet, somehow that dream for him had to die so that I could accept him where he was. Ten years later, as my son is on the threshold of entering high school, I am very proud of him for who he is. Even though he is incredibly smart and very well behaved and will probably do very well with his life there are still times where I watch his peers and grieve a little because there are things that I just can’t share with him because they are not important to him. Over the last ten years I have come to know more about Thomas the Tank Engine, Spongebob Squarepants, Fairly Odd Parents, Phineas and Ferb and countless other cartoons as he has recited to me entire episodes (which I have already seen anyways), I have become the subject matter expert on dinosaurs, sea creatures, space exploration, monsters and mythology and the latest video game on the Wii or DS or PS3. These are the places I can meet him and see what brings him joy, and so I learn about things that may not be of great interest to me, because I value my son and I want him to know that he is loved and valued.

2.       Relationships do not have to be reciprocal. Every parental relationship starts with the parents pouring love into their children when they are born. At the earliest stages of life children are not able to reciprocate the love and emotion and nurturing that their parents pour into them, but as children develop there is the expectation that there will be a reciprocation of the love they have received. It is not that autistic children do not love, or even that they do not express love, but they are not hardwired to provide the love and feedback in the same way that most children will. It doesn’t mean that their parents love them less—in fact most parents of autistic children have invested more in their children to try to set them up for success even without the reward of the hugs and kisses that other children begin to give. As I have tried to learn, as best I can, to see the world through my sons eyes and to attempt to understand things the way he might. I have learned to love him for who he is and to value the ways in which he is able to express his affection. He will always be my son, and that relationship is not dependent on any reciprocity. It reminds me of the baptism service which end with the child (or adult) is marked with oil and the words of promise are “name, child of God, you have been sealed by the Holy Spirit and marked with the cross of Christ forever.” Parents and even God may desire reciprocity in their relationship with their children, but the relationship is not contingent on that reciprocity. We are who we are by the relationship because by birth or by adoption we have been joined to be a part of a family and we will be valued for who we are.

More to Come…

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