Reflections on Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling. Why it Matters, and What to do about It. By Richard V. Reeves.

This is a part of a selection of readings I gathered to reflect on what a healthy approach to masculine identity would look like. I navigated my own journey into a version of manhood in my late teens and early twenties successfully, but now in middle age I see a lot of young men struggling to navigate this journey and for a variety of reasons failing to launch into life. I come to this with humility and curiosity seeking those who may be able to articulate more clearly the journeys that may lead young men to discover a fulfilling life of work and relationships and to help those moving into the space of elders to support and guide them in this journey.

Richard Reeves book Of Boys and Men was the first book that helped make sense of several intuitions I had about the way life had changed for men in relationships, in work, and in school. I initially listened to an audio version of the book in 2024 and then read and marked up a physical copy in 2025. One of the things I appreciate about Richard Reeves approach is that he continually reminds the reader that empathy is not a zero-sum game. We can be concerned about advancing equality for women and still acknowledge and address the ways men are struggling in education, relationships and the workforce and the fundamental changes in their roles in a relatively short period of time. Richard Reeves is also a person who thinks about policy and so the book not only identifies the struggles that many men face but also provides ideas for consideration in addressing the struggles.

In education at all levels men have fallen significantly behind women. Women are more likely to perform well in middle and high school, attend and graduate college, and go onto graduate level education. Part of the struggle that boys and men struggle with in education is biological. As Richard Reeves states:

Boys’ brains develop more slowly, especially during the most critical years of secondary education. When almost one in four boys (23%) is categorized as having a “developmental disability,” it is fair to wonder if it is educational institutions, rather than boys, that are not functioning properly. (8)

The lack of male educators in the school system impacts the ability of boys to learn, but it also leads to the pathologizing of normal adolescent behavior. Richard Reeves also suggests starting boys a year later in the educational progression to assist with the two to three year gap in development of key executive functions in brain activity between girls and boys, but also advocates for more male teachers, coaches, and other leadership roles within the educational system.

The workforce has fundamentally changed in recent generations and many of the jobs lost were traditionally masculine jobs that required physical strength, which has now been replaced by automation. Reeves notes that the significant effort to encourage women to be educated and work in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) fields but the fastest growing job needs are in what Reeves labels as HEAL jobs: Healthcare, Education, Administration, and Literacy. As mentioned above he advocates for programs to encourage and fund men being trained in these HEAL jobs and notes the benefits that having men in these jobs would have for both men and women.

One of the other things I appreciated about Reeve’s attempt at balance was his willingness to criticize both the political left and right in their approach to the issue. The political right at least acknowledges that there is a problem, but their solution is to try to steer the world back to an earlier time when women were less involved in the workforce, college, and life outside the home. The political left has pathologized the problem as ‘toxic masculinity,’ viewed male problems as individual failings, been unwilling to acknowledge any biological basis for sex differences, and has been convinced that inequality can only run one way. An example of viewing the problem as individual failings would look like:

If men are depressed, it is because they won’t express their feelings. If they get sick, it is because they won’t go to the doctor. If they fail at school, it is because they lack commitment. If they die early, it is because they drink and smoke too much and eat the wrong things. For those on the political Left, then, victim-blaming is permitted when it comes to men. (109)

He also begins to reframe some of the traits that have been labelled ‘toxic’ in a more positive light. For example, the male psychology is more wired for risk, but it is also far more likely to take risks to save or protect others. He also highlights the erosion of the core institutions of work, family, and religion which guided common patterns of behavior for men and women.

I appreciate that Richard Reeves has not only provided a thoughtful approach to the problems that boys and men face but also continues to research and advocate for solutions. His work is one that several other authors are beginning to build upon and Of Boys and Men was one of the first books that attempted a balanced approach to the issues facing men. Of Boys and Men helped give me both a language to describe some of what I was seeing as well as prompting me to dig deeper and to want to know more. I found it helpful as we try to imagine a hopeful future for both men and women.